If you have ever written in a private diary, the following thoughts may well have crossed your mind: why am I writing this? Why am I writing that? Am I sane?
Well, TikTok is a bit like that except much less inhibition and shared with the world. Users largely record about 15 seconds of themselves miming and dancing to music or film dialogue.
Sometimes they cackle manically, sometimes they cry. But the key point is that zero talent is needed—just 15 seconds of screen time and you could go viral.
It did not take long for the good folk of Myanmar to embrace the app, unabashedly, like a late-night KTV session.
Following my questionable excursion into domestic action movies, the time has come to hack our way through the TikTok jungle and forge paths that lead us to Myanmar stardom.
But first, a quick background: TikTok is Musical.ly 2.0, quite literally. The originally Musical.ly, which has a similar format, was absorbed into Chinese tech giant Bytedance’s TikTok app in November 2017, sparking concerns on whether the purchase was a China ploy to spy on people.
Nevertheless, the app has boomed worldwide, empowering tech savvy teens (along with some elderly people) to add special effects and music to their homemade videos, which either go really fast or make a skinny e-boy twirl like Keanu Reeves at the end of Matrix Reloaded.
In China, where the app operates as Douyin and has more than 300 million monthly active users, it has been criticised for censoring videos that displease Beijing. In some countries (namely India), it has taken a surreal and occasionally darker turn, aiding abandoned wives and being a platform for lethal poison drinking.
While we don’t have watermelon-mauling, moonshine-glugging, and brick-splitting lunatics, Myanmar’s TikTok users are a different breed. From deranged girls shaving their eyebrows to an army of “Magic Mikes,” let’s see what flavour of blasphemous TikTok shorts is best for you.
The Joker fan boy
Ah, yes, the man of your dreams. The author makes it clear that he does not condone expressing your emotions on TikTok or any other social media platforms; you will be subject to cheap, tasteless humour (re: this article).
But sticking your neck out is necessary to become a star. This young man knows that all too well, which is why he likely reached into his mother’s makeup bag and laughed hysterically into his set-to-‘Beauty Mode’ cracked OPPO phone screen.
It’s a tribute to Jared Leto’s Joker in Suicide Squad—a hit among the young men of Myanmar—but also your ticket to a sweet slice of online attention, perhaps a thirst trap set for your own Harley Quinn.
15-second sadness
What is going on? What is life? This clip attempts to explain it. Life is a Myanmar romance, a 15-second sob that leaves you with another question: why?
Create an arc, create a narrative; confuse people. Get two of you, and catapult yourselves both to fame.
The ‘fallen’ serenade
Guitar in hand, your legs dangling over a wall, you begin serenading that girl—the one you keep staring at. That’s fine, right? No! Amateurs. Fall off your chair and only then will you be loved.
The glow up
Tell your lies, influencers. Tell your lies about “inner beauty” to our stupid faces. But don’t ever tell us that slapping on some sunscreen can not turn us into the next Hollywood heart throb.
The Magic Mike
TikTok is also a haven for men who belly dance, moonwalk, wiggle their rears, and exhibit their perky nips. Will pulling these moves get you views? Perhaps a little. Will those viewers feel repulsed? Almost definitely. We reserve our sincere apologies for the third video.
Wtf?
These make up the bulk of Myanmar TikTok output. Describing them is futile, but if you can’t groove with the categories above then just go freestyle.
Finding these videos did not take as long as psychologically recovering from them. But of course, the biggest draws on TikTok are pretty women who flutter their eyelids in a flirty non-twitchy way. If you're not one of them, good luck.
