How a Japanese porn star became a Myanmar meme
Whether they admit it or not, a sizeable percentage of young Myanmar men are familiar with the face of Mitsugu Somezima. (Twitter / Mitsugu Somezima)
28 August 2019

What’s Japanese, bald and has made hundreds of women ostensibly cry for joy? If you guess "a JAV actor" (Japanese Adult Video, obviously guys), in my best impression of Walter White’s alter ego Heisenberg: You're goddamn right.

With the release of Netflix’s Naked Director, a gritty tale of Japan’s pornographic revolution, we were encouraged to slide one personality underneath Myanmar Mix’s banterscope: Mitsugu Somezima, better known by the young men of my country as Japan Gadone meaning “Japanese Baldy.”

You’re probably wondering what the link is here. Have I, a struggling writer with a questionable sense of humour, run out of ideas? Has Myanmar Mix, in its few short months on digital earth, already lost the plot?

You’re wrong, dear reader. Japan Gadone is a thing here, a major thing. Never underestimate the average Burmese lad’s obsession over porn, especially content crafted by our polite friends northeast.

Burmese people love porn. By “love” I mean we have at least 20 of our favourite videos discretely saved on our phones like some sordid pick ‘n’ mix.

From secret Facebook Messenger groups to hardcore websites, we live and breathe it. Our own pornography revolution began around 2012, when the government lifted a ban on all kinds of international websites.

We immediately Googled “important news and information that will expand my understanding of the world and where I am in relation to it.” But for some of us, porn came up.

Actually, it was for many of us—including yours truly. We watched in awe, our innocent youth corrupted, our minds blown.

Back to Japanese Baldy. Why the nickname? Quite simply because he’s Japanese and bald.

Around 2013-14, a photo was uploaded to Facebook of the actor flaunting his cheeky smirk. While the post may never be found, it can only be deduced that some faithful fan had recognized the man (but sadly, forgot his name) and hence called him “that Japan Gadone.”

Lo and behold, an influx of memes, Facebook profile pictures, and stills from porn films centred on our hero flooded our feeds. His face was superimposed on top of the partners of famous singers and actresses. Japan Gadone even crept into the real world, his image printed on t-shirts in Yangon market stalls.

Here he is, wearing what I believe is a Japanese schoolboy uniform, with a Myanmar Academy Award and the title of religious drama Mone Swal (Clinging to Hate) added to the image.

 

 

In centuries to come, aliens who specialise in the long-extinct homo sapiens will describe the image below as a “reaction meme,” mostly posted under photo posts. The Burmese font reads, “My son, how many times should I tell you not to post nonsense online.”

 

 

Japan Gadone had become a sensation. The mere sight of a bald person would prompt someone to think, “ha, Japan Gadone.”

Captions on a deluge of Facebook photos read: I am Japan Gadone. I don’t want to get too deep here, but perhaps in the recesses of our late teenager hearts, don't we all long to be pornstars? No? Just me?

Anyway, while the name Japan Gadone was gaining prominence, Mitsugu was busy doing what he does best.

It was only around 2018 he realised the size of his Myanmar fan base. Perhaps it was the sheer amount of fan mail, but Mitsugu was turned on to the fact he was indeed a star in Myanmar—a meme daddy if you will. He even visited here.

 

 

In March, he reposted on Twitter a Myanmar fan video with the song “Lu Soe” or “Bad Guy” by Shwe Htoo, a tribute that Mitsugu signs off with “love you all.”
 

 

How sweet. Years have rolled by and now it’s clear that for Mitsugu and Myanmar, this is about more than sex.

Myanmar Mix