Myanmar Mix

This week Myanmar’s political scene made its pitch to become the new MTV. The Union Election Commission kicked things off with its edgy entry: two rows of men and women awkwardly shuffling and singing in something like a bizarre 1990s infomercial on the dangers of underage drinking.

But on closer inspection, its production, titled “Citizens’ Duty,” appeared to be the product of a hostage situation, directed by an auto-tuned voice lurking somewhere in the shadows. When the synth beat introduces pairs of UEC staffers dead-eyeing the camera, the message is more benign: “Let’s vote.”

Then it becomes more about working out the office beefs and romances between the staffers. The men’s expressions rest somewhere between 'this election is serious' and 'let's enjoy a moderate amount of fun'. I can relate, based on my experiences of being forced to participate in one too many school talent shows.

The UEC has been criticised over past weeks because of its legal threats against an election boycott movement, its rejection of a Rohingya candidacy and its move to block an election monitor from observing the vote in November. But with this video, the commission has put to bed any questions over its credibility. Not one to be upstaged, the Myanmar Police Force quickly trotted out its own wooden contribution.

And then we have the political parties. In the spirit of democracy and impartiality, here are the releases from the four mainstream choices ahead of election day on November 8.

The People’s Pioneer Party

Let’s start with a political newbie: the People’s Pioneer Party. The PPP. The PP what? The PPP, you idiot! It’s totally cool, registered just last year. Yes, it has some suspicious links to hardline anti-Muslim monks, but it also has the country’s first openly gay candidate.

Its chairperson, Thet Thet Khine, was suspended and then resigned from her old party, the National League for Democracy, in October 2019 after she committed sacrilege by criticizing the leader. Now the savvy jewelry seller is back with a vengeance and I bet she’s got an amazing video for us.

Here we go! It kicks off with some triumphant, almost Christmas-y music as the camera swoops down on Yangon’s roads. Cheerful vocals and we’re on the road. Brilliant! Look at these cars with the proud blue PPP insignia. Genius! We’re on the road, in a traffic jam now. PPP! PPP! Traffic’s moving. We’re on the road, turning right.

On the road, the PPP! Some of the cars are stuck in the back, mixing with the other traffic, but there’s still a strong blue streak near the front. Indicators. We’re on the road! Still on the road. Zooming in now, on a PPP logo, on a car. Are we staying on the road? Is this video just blue cars driving around Yangon? Okay, it is. How long is it? 3.33 minutes? Take this exit please.

The Union Solidarity and Development Party

Surprise surprise, the flags are waving—beginning with three big ones and then a teeny tiny party flag, or perhaps the woman holding it is a giant? School teachers dance to an upbeat tune in front of a building. Wait, no, they’re the boys in green; the military-aligned USDP, one of the two political parties in this article to have a Wikipedia page.

The green team passionately chants its motto “For a Brighter Future” despite the pewter sky. Supercut to USDP chairperson Than Htay greeting almost the whole of the Burmese countryside.

And bam, there’s that pulsing Eurodance beat. Am I the only one who finds that strangely exciting? It’s as if the Vengaboys were on the ballot. A series of beautiful vocals infused with youthful energy and hope; this is actually quite good. Spontaneous zoom-ins of the chairman, singers in tight pants...no, it’s the USDP. That’s enough.

The Union Betterment Party

The UBP may have nabbed the catchiest five seconds of all the party tracks—not just political, but all the party tracks ever made. Go to 1.56 to 2.01: “Let’s march together, loyal to our principles, we will vote for UBP.”

As this bit plays over and over in my head, with the party chairman Shwe Mann smiling, possibly dancing in my mind’s eye, we can see that UBP has gone full rural Burma in the video. Everything about it speaks to the betel-chewing Bamar hailing from intensely sunny middle or upper Myanmar, joyously jumping at the manic Myanmar orchestra, or sine wine, as the vocalist sings, “UBP, loved by the people!”

We’ll see Shwe Mann. A bit about him: a former general and the former speaker of the Lower House, he was ousted from the green team in 2016 and established the UBP in February 2019. Shwe Mann is one of the most interesting figures in Myanmar politics, as much despised for helping Aung San Suu Kyi get settled in Naypyidaw as he is for cracking down on pro-democracy protests and waging war against ethnic minorities.

He won’t be competing for a seat on November 8 but you don’t need a seat to be president of Myanmar (not that we are assuming the UBP will win).

Don’t be fooled though, he could totally win a seat and ensured the public in an online press conference that his “decision not to contest is not because of concern [about losing].” With the billions of kyats raised from party supporters for the sole purpose of campaigning, this video may be the first of many.

The National League for Democracy

What makes this election so exciting is the sheer uncertainty of the outcome. Who’s going to win? Our money is on the ruling party with the red flag—the one that's hung over balconies, draped over trishaw drivers, and liberally sprinkled over your Facebook feed. You know, the one whose leader is absolutely fantastic in a “please don’t sue me” kind of way and worshipped by the public but, like, really healthily.

We’ll have to wait until the results to find out. In the meantime, the NLD (red-flag party) has released a slick video—the only one of the major parties without lyrics. Who needs words when you have Aung San Suu Kyi? In the opening shots children run through a field waving the NLD flag, which is much bigger than the flag-on-a-cocktail-stick in the USDP video and also way more fun than a kite, right?

The Lady strides into the frame with purpose in her eyes. She clearly has something important to do, though first she stares through the camera into your soul and tilts her head slightly. A family is watching her on television, loving it. A teashop is enthralled. The tea boy stops dead in his tracks, clasping a cup with prongs. He should be focused on his work but we forgive him because it’s Mama Suu on the telly and she’s just about to do something unforgettable.

That’s right, she’s drives a stake into Myanmar earth. People in traditional ethnic clothes follow her lead and everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief: finally stakes are being driven into the ground. Obviously folks, we here at Myanmar Mix aren’t stupid: the stakes are a metaphor. They represent the NLD’s promise for its next tenure: more stakes, for everybody. Although some unreasonable critics suggest the promo should include a tidbit of policy, we see it all too clearly. The NLD envisages a future in which stakes are a thrilling and essential component of life.

Facebook hearts float from the ethnic stake smashers, the family, the teashop; Aung San Suu Kyi wants to see hearts float from Yangon, from the countryside up to the clouds. Joyful singing. Five more years! “Let’s vote for success,” is the writing at the end. “For just a democracy, vote for NLD."